Why I might sell my extremely beautiful house is, first and foremost, a business decision. If it does not make sense business-wise, I won’t do it. It is true that life has been a hot mess in some ways (divorce), but I am never too stupid or sad to profit. I hope.

The pandemic is a chance to play offense.

It is great to have a nice, big house during the pandemic as I am sure many would appreciate right now. However, the pandemic also makes it a good time to sell.

Interest rates have been low…

Simply put, I want to make money from the house and further build savings to reach my next financial goal.

These days, after working evening shifts at my job, I go home and check every room (there are many rooms) and make sure all doors are locked…

I fear that someone could be hiding there who broke in..

I fear the bigness of the house and that I could be missing something.. some part that I have not checked or some part that I am responsible for but is currently not visible.

I cannot scan the whole place easily… something could be somewhere, I don’t know. There are so many doors on this property, I make sure all are closed and locked. One door would be nice and I would close the shit out of that door.

Being alone in this house makes me uncomfortable and nervous.

I fall asleep and keep my phone close by even though I really want it to be charging in a different room. But it gives me a sense of security. I cannot fall asleep while actively feeling scared.

This all has to do with being uncomfortable living alone, most likely. But also, I think I would be less uncomfortable living alone if the place did not feel so remote and far from anyone else at night. It feels alone there, especially at night.

There are coyotes behind me. Not that I am scared of them. I am scared of weird humans and not being able to get help in time.

My options:

1. Sell house (considering now)
2. Get a roommate (tried and failed)
3. Get a gun? (hate guns)

I don’t like living in it alone, I don’t like falling asleep alone.

I love it during the day, of course. Nights are a real issue.

But, I don’t want to ask people to sleep over just because I am scared.

I want to be able to spend quality time with folks regardless of my alone-at-night problem. I don’t want to make or break relationships based on my discomfort with being alone at night.

I need to figure out and learn how to be alone.

If that means that I need to be less alone, as in, have closer neighbors, so be it. Like, I want a space to only myself but not so far from everyone that I am scared of being murdered in my sleep.

I was not alone when I bought this place… I probably would not have bought it if I were by myself. I had not planned on being there alone. But I AM alone. That makes a huge difference.

Now that I am alone in it, it is a problem and I probably need a different sort of place. Not sure exactly what that would be…

No matter how beautiful this property is it does not work…

Maybe in a different place which is all to myself but still close enough to other people, I would be more able to be alone. I am trying to live somewhere less remote so I feel less scared of being alone so that I can be alone.

Fuji likes stairs tho. Good for him to have stairs to climb for exercise. The greenery is nice and the deck and everything are beautiful but it is soo so much for one person. It does not make sense.

Fuji likes being able to run… a long corridor for him to run on would be nice or space for him to run on and exercise.

This would also solve my debt and lifestyle problem. I want to downsize my lifestyle and save a tremendous amount of money so I don’t feel so tied to a job. I don’t want to need a job badly. I would rather squat somewhere for a while, save money, and go from there. Figure out who I want to be and what I really want to do without the stress of needing a job so I can afford my lifestyle.

This is possible, too, because my parents own a property close by that they will not be using this winter… so it will be a place to shelter in while things get figured out. This is the year, the time, to make the jump and just go for it.

I need to do this… I have suffered in this beautiful house… so beautiful, and so abandoned, all at the same time.

I feel empowered in it, though, I feel sad to leave it. I did conquer many things living in it. If only I could conquer my fears here or something… because it is a tremendously amazing house.

No one wants to live with me here. I am successful and have absolutely nobody to share it with, which, by the way, is fine.

But, just in case, are you looking for a rental and/or roommate?