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In this blog post, I am sharing the contents of a page from a graduate student’s mental health diary – with their permission! And, with minimal editing.

The main point of this post is to spread awareness about mental health problems in academia and to let graduate students know that they are not alone in their struggles.

I thought about what picture I should use with this post and I ended up picking something positive.

I don’t want a discussion about mental health awareness to be a totally negative thing.

There is definitely HOPE for those that struggle with mental health.

SO many wonderful health professionals that can help you out. So, I hope that this post gives you encouragement to seek the help you need and HOPE that everything will be fine.

You definitely, totally, got this.

Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

Title: Symptoms lately

I have trouble sleeping. I think about work all the time.

When not doing work, I worry about work.

At least one or two nights per week, all night, I do work or go over work in my head while trying to sleep.

I feel very tired in the morning.

Even though I slept better last night, I feel tired today.

I have trouble breathing.

I have had these issues for large parts of the day lately if not all day.

My hands are sweating.

I am making myself breathe deeply.

I feel tightness in my chest.

I feel little pins and needles or kind of like tiny electric shocks in the chest area.

It is quite uncomfortable physically.

But I know this is probably psychological because I have felt this way before.

I have felt this way before an exam or public speaking.

But now it is happening all day when there is no “exam.”

But I know I AM stressed about work.

It seems there is something I need to get to all the time.

I stress about not being on time at meetings or class and like I hold my breath, sort of, till I get something done.

I have to remind myself to breathe and relax.

There is no day when I have nothing to get to.

I am new to being GRA and there are no hard deadlines on the tasks I am given.

But I make up deadlines of my own I guess and when I cannot meet them I feel anxious.

My work is never fully done because it is research. It keeps going and chases me home.

I am never sure that I will be ok, am I doing well or not well — I am not sure.

Does my boss think I am stupid and a bad student?

I am too afraid to ask because I think the answer may be yes, that I am NOT good enough.

Btw writing this is taking my mind off a bit and I am slightly calmer but still not ok.

In the past, I have been able to go on walks and do stuff to manage my anxiety.

But lately, it’s not working.

It’s gotten worse I think.

Lately, I have felt I am struggling to function and I dread coming to school and meeting people and talking to people.

In the past, when I had anxiety issues I used work to distract me and I actually did better at work but it’s not working this time.

I think I have been stress eating too — I went through lots of cookies.

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What’s in your mental health diary? How are you doing? Please feel free to share anything you like below.

I will only say this. Utilize your student health insurance if you have one to get the help you need.

There are professionals out there who really know what they are doing and taking the time to seek their help is worth it. YOU are worth it.